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Experiences from a young age

Updated: Dec 5, 2018

" Where can I start? For starters I don’t think I’m like other schizophrenics! People I’ve spoken to & stories I’ve heard suggest that without medications a schizophrenic can’t function normally & I’m not one of them! I was diagnosed with some type of psychosis when I was 14 it was when I was taking Prozac & Xanax for depression & anxiety social phobia Which they started me on when I was 12yo, I was given stelazine for the psychosis all the hallucination was was a 3 second thing of “is she ready yet” or maybe it was “do you think she knows!”

Three different meds for a child still developing in mind & body can’t be a good thing, I was taken off all the meds when I was about 16 or 17yo, I was fine till I was about 19-20yo & that’s when it started & It started with a headache! I knew what was happening to me on one hand because of my previous experience in the wards & with a split second hallucination but on the other hand I was really psychic & I was responsible for helping the people in my psychic visions!

Psychics are everywhere so why can’t I be one! right? It was overwhelming being bombarded with voices & visions knowing it wasn’t real & hoping it was & guess what happens when you hallucinate various things daily hourly every minute for a week, hallucinations will come true! Something inside still said I’m not well something is wrong here!

Anyway I was placed in the ward & I couldn’t sleep even after the max amount of Valium was given to me! I was given various meds but nothing worked till the injections which made me drool & took away my ability to see anything except fuzzy outlines & colours, It was a private hospital I was in so the workers weren’t so bad, but the shrink was an idiot, because today I don’t take any antipsychotics & my hallucinations have lessened to maybe 1-2 a week & slowly becoming less than that! A few weeks ago I didn’t hallucinate for 2-3 weeks I kinda missed them. I was in the ward & given injections around 2002 & I haven’t taken antipsychotics of any kind for at least 10yrs. "

" I was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia around 02 & I haven’t been hospitalised since but a few times I’ve tried to get help with other areas of my life & mental health! I think I’m really unlucky because I’ve had a psychologist tell me that she deals with people who have real problems it was my 2nd session with her & I just wasn’t ready to completely open up about why I came to see her I needed a little more time to judge my comfort with her.

A few years ago I tried to get some help from my local mental health facilities & I was nervous due to my previous experiences with bad workers, one of the workers got me into a mental health facility for socialising & stuff but one of the female workers was odd in her behaviour with me, I went to have a smoke on the balcony & she was there having a smoke, we started talking about how she had to hide her smoking from her boyfriend & it’s why she was wearing a shawl, I told her that her boyfriend should accept her for all she is & then she started pulling her top down & her bra strap while looking directly at me & it’s like she was flirting but she wasn’t! It felt like she was baiting me to react to her & I noticed she had a bruise on her & for a while I thought maybe she was crying out for help showing me her bruise bcoz she was being abused by her boyfriend & when I went to the guy who got me into this place about her he called the cops on me telling them I was a danger to others & myself! The only danger anyone was in was the fact that she might get fired for her behaviour towards me! After that my head went in a dozen different directions of what, why, when & how did that come about! Mentally I’m stronger out of the psyche places.

Around the same time another place I was using for exercise & getting better social skills & such they had 1 amazing worker a bunch of decent volunteers & a few dodgies but one of the workers decided to do this thing with me, we were all sitting around in a large circle prepping for an exercise class, & he was handing out exercise books to everyone except me, I put my hand up & said hey you forgot me & he still ignored me another time a client & myself & this worker were talking about philanthropy & I asked what is philanthropy,  it sounds like a dirty word to me & he said yes it does it sound like a dirty word like pedophile, I meant something like felacio or fornicate but his go to was pedophile I felt like he was saying it because I’m lgbt my 2nd thought was he is a pedophile it was very much word association from my point of view. " - Undisclosed Poster

" When I was in the kids section of my 1st psychiatric facility when I was 13 (I was just a day patient unlike others who stayed there night & day) there were teachers & mine was always looking at me during class, I wasn’t facing her but I could feel eyes on me & I would look around & she was just staring at me, she got angry at me for looking around & told me to do my work! I hope she just found my presence relaxing & it was innocent! These days I wonder if any of the kids in the wards were being assaulted by workers! The kids came from all over some lived a 6hr drive from the hospital.

My mum had a tumour on her brain so I don’t blame her now that I know it, but she had kicked me out of home multiple times as teenager one time I literally dropped to my knees & I felt like I was about to go into a comatose like state my whole body tingling my head in particular (I truly believe you can die from a broken heart) I had a flash thought & it was run now or stay this way forever, I ran it was a fight or flight thing.

Another time my mum kicked me out she had dragged me by the collar tossed me into the car & drove me to the nearest psychiatric hospital telling them that I wasn’t going home & they can either keep me here or put me on the streets, I was locked in a small room that night the next day I was put in the acute unit I asked the nurses if I could call my dad & they let me, He came to get me & told me that the psychiatrist thinks I have behavioural problems, the thing is I never spoke with a psychiatrist about anything for the 12 hrs I was there! My mum kicked me out this time because I was angry about her treating my friends better than she treated me & my sister. My dad told the shrink my mum was nuts & he wouldn’t have a clue about what I had to deal with when it came to my mum. Shrinks make diagnosis without even talking to the person that they are diagnosing. " - Undisclosed Poster